[Tortured Artist Without An Art Form]
Who I am when no one is watchingI feel like a Myspacer!
2007-05-24
I am just making a post to say I uploaded one of the few decent pictures of me from the convention this weekend. It shows off my hair a lot better than many of the pictures where I was making faces at the camera. Luckily, Charles was able to get a good shot of me when I was leaving one of the meeting rooms.
Brian took some horrible pictures of me at the Atlanta zoo. I don't like having my pictures taken when my feet are blistered, I'm sunburned, and I wanna go home!
But, I have pictures of pandas! I'll upload those later. :)
Don't know what to do with myself...
2007-05-24
It's the first night that I haven't had to bring home work since I started teaching summer school last June. I don't know what to do with my evenings anymore. So, guess what? I'll be blogging a lot more, and that might be a good thing and it might be a very bad thing. I guess we'll find out.
I made a lot of new friends this weekend, but of course, no one lives in Alabama. :( They're all a billion miles away, but I now have widened my support system to include new friends on the east coast. Networking is good! And that's my story and I'm sticking to it...really!
Ok, so I'll be around more, I promise.
New Beginnings, Same old mistakes
2007-05-19
I quit my job on Wednesday. Rather, I told them I wasn't coming back next year and not to offer me a new contract. As of thursday, I'm unemployed. This makes me unbelievably happy, but a little sad too. I am going to miss that hellhole, no matter how much I cried on the way home every day.
This weekend, I'm in Atlanta visiting a whole bunch of people that play KOL. It's fun, but being in a small room with two ex-bfs and the ex-crush at the same time...I kept drinking. Tequila. I'm paying for it today as I feel like puking and can literally feel the tequila sweating out of my pores. Of course, i'm going back to the hotel tonight to do it all over again.
I don't really get a chance to let loose and get drunk, and I'll have people there that will make sure I don't make a total ass of myself. But damn if I don't deserve a little fun. I do.
And my new haircut is AWESOME. Yay. It's shorter than I've had it in 5 years. But I love it. It is, as everyone said last night, the perfect length.
This post really doesn't have much substance, but I felt like just...updating. For no reason whatsoever! muhahaha.
Hating you, if I could, doesn't make it hurt less
2007-05-16
To quote a younger, dumber version of myself...
And the words that he said that brought my world to an end,
"I like you but I think that you're too good of a friend "
That was taken from a poem that I wrote in 1992 over some stupid crush of a boy who lied to me to spare my feelings. But how much has changed in 15 years?
I put myself out there, again, for some stupid crush of a boy who lied to me to spare my feelings. "Jen, You're awesome, you're a great friend, but that's all..." I bet I never hear from him again.
I hate that the same advice I gave a few weeks ago is coming back to haunt me. Don't put all your eggs in a basket. You are more mad at yourself for getting so excited about one moment that the two of you shared that probably won't amount to anything.
And I keep lying to myself by searching for a geographical solution to my problem. Men are the same everywhere, not just in Alabama. I'm not thin enough, popular enough, rich enough, etc. Men can say they're not into those things...but let's face it. They'll choose the pretty stupid girl before they choose the fat smart one every day.
I'm just done.
We're More Alike than We'll ever admit...
2007-05-13
I'm the oldest of 4 girls who range in age from 29 to 14. Our poor parents!! My sister Meredith and I are only 2 years apart, and used to be really really close as kids. As adults, we've kind of grown apart due to distance, and inner conflicts within the family. Now, we've been talking a lot lately and we're trying to mend whatever rift we have between us.
Yesterday, on a 2 hour car ride back to my parent's house, Meredith and I had a long conversation about what we thought about life and why we fell into codependent relationships. And she said to me "we're more alike than we'll ever admit". It's weird, because I've always felt so sure that no one would ever understand, and no one in the world could ever feel like I feel.
I guess it just surprises me that I'm not alone.
I Hate Being Sick and Other Random Complaints
2007-05-11
I've spent the work week in a daze. I went to the doctor on Monday, where he diagnosed me with a nondescript upper respiratory infection. I slept all day Tuesday, and spent the last two days at school being cranky and whiny. Thank goodness it's Friday!
Yesterday in my mailbox, I got my "Letter of Intent" to return to school for next year. I have waffled on my decision to return for months. I was sure that I had fully decided that I wasn't going to, but now that the letter is in my hands with a -due date- to return, I am not so sure. I just can't bring myself to check the "no" box. I know I can't afford to work there again, but it's so hard to just...give up on that school.
I think it is time to pursue that career as a backup singer. :)
Kicking the habit...maybe tomorrow
2007-05-07
Hi, I'm Jen. And I have a procrastination problem. No, seriously, it's becoming chronic. I keep putting everything off, and so now I'm waking up with migraines and wanting to stay in bed.
Today, I woke up with the worst one so far. Friday on my way home from work, I was very excited about the prospect of having the house to myself. I envisioned all the things I could accomplish with no one to bother me. So many things on my to-do list, and I even wrote them all down! So now, here it is Monday morning and I have to leave for work, and I don't even have one thing done on my list. Not one.
I have not written the make up test for today. I have not done any laundry, so I have nothing clean for work. I haven't cleaned my room. I don't even remember what I -did- accomplish this weekend. I didn't even sleep a lot or anything like that.
So my question is, how do I make myself get stuff accomplished? How do I kick this horrible procrastination problem without putting it off until tomorrow? :)
The new Tori Amos Album
2007-05-06
A short review of 'American Doll Posse'
After owning the CD about a week, I've finally been able to get through the entire thing. I have been a Tori fan since Under the Pink came out (and quickly fell in love with Little Earthquakes too). I have been there through some of her more unpopular albums and ones I couldn't stand (Aka Strange Little Girls). I've seen her on the Boys for Pele and the Beekeeper tours. At times, her music has inspired me, encouraged me, and even empathized with me as I struggled through more difficult times in my life. I have been excited for this album since I heard about it, and I was not disappointed.
There are some really fantastic tracks on the album...but it's too long. I like to be able to listen to CDs all the way through, but who has 80 minutes of uninterrupted time? That's longer than my daily commute, and that's a little under an hour.
So far, I have to say that my favorite tracks on the CD occur in the first few songs.
- "Big Wheel" - This song is just bouncy and fun. Someone said in another review that it's her best single since "A Sorta Fairytale". I have had this song in my head since the first time I heard it on her myspace, and I absolutely love it. And the MILF part is definitely my favorite part.
- "Bouncing off Clouds" - Simply beautiful and ethereal. I love this woman's voice even more with this album.
- "Teenage Hustling" - Oh man, this song is fantastic. Riot Poof and Matt picked this as one of their favorites, and it is swiftly becoming mine too.
- "Digital Ghost" - A song about someone in love with someone else who's in love with their computer? Brilliant. Just...brilliant. Your heart only beats ones and O's..
- "Girl Disappearing" - This is another one that gets stuck in my head and I love its somber quality.
- "Beauty of Speed" - An upbeat and encouraging speed that is stuck between songs I could do without. But it's awesome, none the less
- "Dragon" - Phenomenal.
There are lots of songs that would be catchy B-Sides, but I guess she wanted to include them all, and so sometimes the songs get kinda lost between songs that shouldn't be there. Riot Poof and I have agreed that "Secret Spell" should remain a secret. I have skipped it ever since I gave the album my first listen.
This has been the best overall album for me since To Venus and Back, and maybe some of the tracks I don't like will grow on me in time. I know there are songs I used to love on Boys for Pele that I don't even like anymore, and songs I hated that I have grown to love. Tori's impact on me evolves with time and my experiences. I could probably have a different view on it 6 years or even 6 months from now. But for now, that's what I think. :)
The Power of Numbers
2007-05-06
I'm a math teacher. It's not something I've "always wanted to do", but here I am doing it. Math was always something that came so naturally to me, that it seemed obvious for me want to share this information with others. I don't know if teaching is really my calling, but I'm enjoying it most of the time. My students often ask me why I think math is so terrific. The short answer I usually give them is because I'm good at it. But it actually goes way deeper than that.
Why Math is Wonderful
1. Math makes sense. There are rules that it follows and these rules never change. I know when I look at a right triangle, that the sum of the squares of the two sides are always going to equal the square of the hypotenuse. There is comfort in this. I know that I'm constantly confounded by the "rules" of dating. So, I think there should be theorems and corollaries and postulates for dating and that these rules should never change! I'd love to approach a guy the same way as I do a right triangle. Ah, one can only dream.
2. Math lets you make mistakes. This is why we can do math in pencil. I do most of my work in pencil now. There is beauty in the joy of a freshly sharpened number 2 pencil that you can't even capture with a mechanical pencil. If I mess up, I know I can just erase and start again. Math lets you have "Do-overs". You learn from the mess up and you start again. "Well that didn't work, let's try it this way". I probably say that about 50 times a day. It's a good lesson for life too. Sure, life doesn't let you have 'do-overs', but you can learn from your mistakes and move on. I sometimes wish I could erase some of the stuff I've done, though :)
3. Math is beautiful. I have this on the wall of my classroom. Math is everywhere! From the Golden ratio in architecture, to the fibonacci numbers in nature, and to the simple symmetry of a butterfly...math constantly captures my attention with its beauty. I wish I was a photographer and could capture all the mathematical things that cross my path daily. I think people would be surprised at how much math is all around us!
When I tell people that I love math, I usually get a look from them that is a mixture of disgust and terror. Don't be afraid of math. Math is wonderful! Math isn't out to get you. :)
First Post! (Creative, isn't it?)
2007-05-05
Hi everyone! I have a few friends that told me about this site, so I thought I'd give it a try. Of course, I'm not going to even let them in on it until I have something more substantial to show for it. But I like what I've read so far in this community, and I'm excited to be a part of it.
What you'll likely see here is a bunch of soul-searching ranting as I struggle to redefine myself. Lots of runon sentences will most likely occur, so I apologize in advance.
I think the most difficult question that I get asked daily is "Tell me about yourself". It terrifies me when I can't come up with a few lines to distinctly sum me up and what I'm about. I've been so many things to so many different people...I hope that writing and sharing my thoughts will help me figure out who I really am.
Or it might bore everyone to tears, which has been known to happen.
My dear friend riotpoof said to me that I have led a tortured life, and I'd make a good artist, only that I have no creative talent as an outlet. Maybe I'll find some direction here.
At any rate, Hello! :)
Created with ShoutPost
