[Tortured Artist Without An Art Form]
Who I am when no one is watchingHating you, if I could, doesn't make it hurt less
2007-05-16
To quote a younger, dumber version of myself...
And the words that he said that brought my world to an end,
"I like you but I think that you're too good of a friend "
That was taken from a poem that I wrote in 1992 over some stupid crush of a boy who lied to me to spare my feelings. But how much has changed in 15 years?
I put myself out there, again, for some stupid crush of a boy who lied to me to spare my feelings. "Jen, You're awesome, you're a great friend, but that's all..." I bet I never hear from him again.
I hate that the same advice I gave a few weeks ago is coming back to haunt me. Don't put all your eggs in a basket. You are more mad at yourself for getting so excited about one moment that the two of you shared that probably won't amount to anything.
And I keep lying to myself by searching for a geographical solution to my problem. Men are the same everywhere, not just in Alabama. I'm not thin enough, popular enough, rich enough, etc. Men can say they're not into those things...but let's face it. They'll choose the pretty stupid girl before they choose the fat smart one every day.
I'm just done.
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